02 May 2003 - 4:10 a.m.
I said I was going to go to sleep after me X-Men 2 post. I guess I lied. Browsing the various weblogs of some of my associates, I am reminded of something I actually wanted to talk about. You know, with a point and everything. Without further ado:
It's that time of year again. (<---Would you consider this "ado"? I think I would. I'm such a liar tonight.) Yes, it's graduation time, that time of year when I will most assuredly be asked if I'm going to go up to Bard (my old college) for graduation (here, I'm not lying: someone already asked me). Short answer: no.
Long answer: Maybe I'll go up to hang out before and/or after the event, but I will NOT be attending the ceremony. This has been my answer for the last two years, since what would have been my own graduation, had I graduated, and it well reinforced by the one graduation I DID go to, the year before my own (it was REALLY boring. Natsu-chan and I left halfway through for ice cream). I know this bothers some folks. The Man of Steel was especially vocal last year when the event was his own. So I think it's time i explained why:
1. I'm not a man for ceremony. I was raised going to Catholic masses all the time. Not once did I feel any connection to what was going on, or to the people around me, even if they were close friends. I find ceremonies distance me from people rather than bring me closer. At such events, I can't help but feel like I'm draining off the energy, because I'm not part of what's going on. I feel like I do a disservice to the people who really feel like a part of things. And, honestly, I can't get into doing something which is is almost fundamentally uninteresting (save for the occassional good speech) simply because that's how it's always been done. It's not my way. I believe if you're going to be a part of something, you should make your mark on it. So, I avoid them. I mean no disrespect; I think it's wonderful that people can get swept up in the moment, and share something like that. But I can't. So I stay home.
2. "Commencement". What a term. I have an inherent conflict with the concept that "today is the first day of the rest of your life" (this also carries over to weddings, which I'm also thinking of boycotting). If any day is that fabled "first day", it's tomorrow. Today is the now, and it won't change you, or change for you. I have never been changed by the course of a day, and I believe it's this constancy that allows me to be who and what I am. Again, I respect those who can use such an event to focus or aim their lives, but nothing like this will change my opinion of or relationship with anyone, and I generally find the situations kind of offputting.
3. My Old School. 1 and 2 cover my world view and why I generally avoid this sort of thing (and why I pity the poor woman who will have to plan half my wedding someday [hopefully]). But, world view aside, there's another, more... circumstancial issue. For those who don't know, Steeley Dan has a song called "My Old School", about how they'll never go back to it. As it turns out, their old school is also MY old school. Bard College. And I really know where they're coming from. Don't get me wrong: I made a lot of good friends there, people I wish I saw more often, and many people I regret having slipped away from... But that place damaged me. I can't quantify it, I can't say what it was or when, but I came out of there so much Less than what I was when I went in. I have trouble reconciling all my wonderful memories with the emotional, psychological, and spiritual drain that I experienced there. Being there brings back pleasant memories of knowing people and doing things, but the memories of BEING are, well, not so hot. There's a lot more for me to say about this, but I think it will require it's own entry some time down the road.
So, in closing: Congratulations, graduates past and present. I hope to see you all soon. Just don't expect me to sit through any speeches unless YOU'RE making them, and take off those ridiculous hats before you come over.
Also, I would like to say: Please pardon and type-os, run-ons, babblings, and general gibberish. It's past 4am, and I don't think my eyes are focussing correctly.
Back, to the caverns of history - Onward, to glory!
