10 July 2003 - 11:13 p.m.
(I know there's more type-os in here. There's definitely a "to" where there should be a "too", but I forget where. Deal. -Smith)
Today has been a weird emotional rollercoaster for me. Small things keep happening that make me either really happy or really ticked. Right now I'm left with a lot of weird energy, not up, not down, and not really anything to do with it. I'm feeling very strange.
So, I left for work this morning, and the weather was awesome (+1). I get to work on the borderline of lateness (as per usual), clock in, wander over to the cafe (which you'll remember I'm kinda in charge of). Then my boss stops by.
I'm really not sure how to read this woman. If I didn't work for her, she'd definitely be really cool. But as a boss... I can't read her. Whenever she's delivering work-related information, her tone gets very... Cold. I can never tell if she's pissed or if it's just the way she talks. It's not just me: she has a serious "Dragon Lady" reputation that I'm not sure she deserves. She tells me they (i.e. not me, but someone else, I'm not sure who) placed an order yesterday for some supplies we're lacking. Ordering, generally, is my job. The subtext I read is "You're screwing up, so I took it upon myself to do this part of your job for you". Now, I'm pretty insecure about my ability to do my job these days (I don't feel I was adequately trained), so after this I just feel like an idiot. You know I love that (-1).
She also tells me the cafe staff put together a new schedule on their own (I'd been working on one the other day, even though it's not my job, because it needed updating, and our HR person is notoriously slow with shit like this, and 'cause I wanted to try it), and they're gonna start it next week. Now, the first draft I did, I didn't change too much, just switched some people's hours, fixing the issues the staff had. I showed it to the boss and the HR person, and they told me, essentially, it was unacceptable because there wasn't enough coverage on the weekend (which is the the was it was to start, having nothing to do with my changes). This was done with the same cold voice, making me feel really stupid again. So I'm like, okay, the staff managed to work it out themselves, good for them. I look at it later, and it has the same lack of weekend coverage as my first one. So I got to feel all humilliated for no good reason (-1). It's fine if they suggest it, but not if I do. Whatever.
So I do a couple projects, attempt to use the new online ordering system, fail (whatever, not my fault, I was never given the correct login information), and it's lunch time. I go over to Chili's with Jim and Jon (I'm dropping the constant nickname convention, it's too much work), and that's always cool (+1).
Backstory: I was kinda into a girl at work for a while, I tossed out a couple stones, watched the ripples. They showed no real interest, so I let it drop.
At lunch, Jon tells me that a while back this girl asked him if I was into her (Jon's a gossip hub), 'cause she kinda thought I might be. He had no idea. She tells him she has no interest, but she sorta wishes she did, 'cause she thinks highly of me. Little things like that hold meaning for me (+1). Jim reasserts his intentions to find me a lady (first asserted when they realized I'm the only one of us not married). I've yet to see any development on this front, but it's nice to know someone's got an eye out. We meander back to work, kill some more time, and I head up to the semi-weekly supervisor's meeting.
The meeting is very weird.
We're given three assignments: A) Come up with one positive and one "challenge" (criticism) for each of our four store managers, to be delivered to the boss lady, and also a set for ourself. This promises to be awkward at best.
B) figure out what we'd like to accomplish by the end of the year. Me, I'd like to be doing any job other than the one I have. Barring that, I'd like to at least learn how to fuckin' do what I'm supposed to be doing.
C) discuss what other jobs in the company you'd like. Me: "Any, please".
For the next three hours I kinda slack, but it seems like the rest of the supervisors do to. It seems like we're all in a similar mood. There's some comeraderie in the air, that which comes with good slacking (+1, but weirdly so).
Then I learn I may not get the time off I requested because of some kinda dumb rules I'd never heard of, so I may have to do some fineagling... Pain in the ass (-1).
Then I head home, and completely fail to contact my potential roommate-to-be, Mike. He seems to be a little less focused on home-hunting than I, probably 'cause he's living with his parents right now, with no lease hanging over his head. Me, I'm getting a little stressed (-1).
And then I check my email, and I finally hear back from my old friend and sometimes flame Katherine, and that is purely great. I've missed her a lot, and really should have caught up sooner (+2).
And then there's the conversation I'm having with someone right now on IM... It was tense for a while, and... Well, I'm really glad it's happening, because it's important, even if it did kinda increase my heart rate for a while. I know, this is really cryptic for most of y'all, but it's important mood closure.
I'm left with weird fulfillment... Like I've weathered my weird day and I'm ready to sleep...
But I forgot to have dinner. Fuck.
Back, to the caverns of history - Onward, to glory!
